As you can imagine, I have had many moments of “backfire” in my life. When I was 13, the “new and provable fact” was that I had to admit to myself, “I am attracted to guys.” Something inside me wanted to deny it, push it down, drown it out;,or pray it away. Dear God, I hope I am not gay. It did not work.
When I came out at 24, the “new and provable fact” was that suppressing this deep desire had only made me mentally unhealthy. My inner system was shut down and part of me wanted to die. Part of me desperately wanted to continue to hide, but I ran out of gas: it was time I accept my same-sex attraction. At that time, accepting it meant living it out. I was at peace with this despite some who disagreed with my decision.
When I turned 28, the slowly emerging “new and provable fact” was that I was increasingly hearing God speak to me through the Bible about homosexuality. Once again, I wanted to deny the evidence, push it down, prove it wrong, or interpret passages differently. Not one religious person had anything to do with this; it was all within my relationship with God. Would I collapse into His arms or backfire and run away?
I chose to surrender to Jesus (no offense to those who decide otherwise). Over the past 15 years, I have had peace with this decision. Yet until the last couple of years, LGBT+ people could trigger a defensive backfire in me — I could feel threatened by their beliefs. Next week, I will share the backfire I experienced in my friendship with Josh. Josh (who is gay) will be my guest here at Lead Them Home and share his experience with backfire in our friendship. It should be quite interesting. Join us next week!