Jenny is a wonderful friend and strong follower of Christ. She shares how her sexual identity was impacted by a seemingly minor situation that occurred during her adolescence. Here is Jenny in her own words.
Here I am, 23 years old, reflecting on something that began for me when I was just 12. The “something” was not supposed to happen to me, because I was a Christian. I had been raised to know the law of God and the love of Jesus. I knew right from wrong, and I knew that homosexuality was a sin according to the Bible.
It all started in seventh grade after I joined the field hockey team. I was an average pre-teen going through puberty and curious about the changes to come. One girl on my team had matured early – she had a full chest. As I stared at this girl’s chest shaking up and down as she ran, a deep seed of fear was planted inside my heart as a whisper that asked: “why are you looking at her boobs? That’s not normal.”
Now that I look back, I understand how normal it is for a young girl entering womanhood to look at other girls. But at that time, I was terrified. Instead of struggling with physical attraction, my insecurities were more about the fear of attraction. I tried to prove to myself that the little voice was wrong – that I indeed was not attracted to women.
Unfortunately, I felt that I could not talk to anyone about this. My secrecy left me very alone and isolated in my fears. This deep sense of isolation only caused me to feel unchanged. I continued to be paranoid about the possibility of me being attracted to girls. If only I could have known then the power of Proverbs 28:13 – “He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.”
Join me here on Lead Them Home tomorrow for more of Jenny’s story.
JOIN THE CONVERSATION: Have any of us escaped adolescence without a similar experience? For some of us, we “look” and then move on. But for others, our idea of an ideal body can stick in our mind as a “hang-up.” Jenny’s story illustrates how fragile sexual identity can be. One experience can shape our entire idea of who we should be – and who we think we are. Have you ever had a “hang-up” or fear develop out of a seemingly normal life experience? To add your feedback or share other thoughts, simply use the comment form below. You may elect to comment as “Anonymous.” Share this article on Facebook, Twitter, Buzz or by email. Share Lead Them Home with others today.