Have you ever felt judged? If so, then you may relate to these words that poured out of a man’s soul one night at the height of crisis and the brink of personal breakdown. I pass this along in dedication to the many young people I counsel who feel judged and hunger for unconditional love.
Like sheets torn into strips, my life is in shreds.
Pieces of me lay about, soon to be discarded.
Any attempt to move or say anything,
is met only with arrows and accusations.
Like Job, even small utterances rake across my scabs.
Like Solomon, every possible way out seems meaningless.
Like Jesus, I bear the weight of others’ sins.
Yet I know that I am not without sin myself.
Threats in kind tones offer false consolations,
yet they hold over me outcomes that destroy.
Any words of mine only subject me to more correction,
and more claims of denial and deception.
Maybe I could not make it.
Like a destiny of ashes planted long ago,
destruction has reached its harvest.
I am breaking, death is here.
Honesty has held me always.
It will not allow me to hide as others do.
Seemingly carefree, they hide and deny.
Yet when I speak, they say that I lie.
I am reduced to silence.
My words only come back to stab me.
So I shall speak no more.
I will say nothing.
No, not to hide sin.
May it never be.
That’s not who God made me to be.
Rather, I shall speak no more defenses.
My words only attract flies.
Words aimed back at me,
tearing me, breaking me.
So I have nothing left to say.
Where might safety reside?
Might there be an escape to hide?
No, sadly, no for I already tried.
Time and again I tried.
Let me die, take my life away.
While others look the other way.
The chains of pain are on.
I cannot move, I will not speak.
Like a modern day psalm, these words convey loneliness, judgment and despair. If you find yourself in this kind of space, you are not alone. Please reach out to someone who cares about you.
Please know that you can contact me any time. God bless.
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